How daunting it could be finalizing life partner!

My parents had a love marriage and initially lived separately from their family. The reason could be my mother's Punjabi origin, which made it difficult for the family to adjust. The family was a bit orthodox, but that doesn't mean they didn't want to accept the marriage. Since both of my parents were working and settled in a different town from our ancestral home, we gradually drifted away from our caste. We rarely attended social functions organized by our caste. Consequently, my parents often faced criticism from elder caste members, who warned that such an attitude would make it difficult to get their children married.

My parents had a love marriage and in their initial days of married life they had separated out from their family. The reason could only be the Punjabi origin of my mother making difficult for most of the members of the family to adjust with. Of course, the family was a bit of orthodox, but it still does not suggest they didn’t want to accept the marriage. Since both of my parents were working and that they settled down in a town different from where our ancestral house was, gradually we happened to drift away from our caste. We rarely used to attend social functions organised by our caste. Consequently, my parents had to often listen to the criticism by elder members of the caste that such attitude would lead to a difficulty in getting their children married.

As time passed, I grew up to become an eligible bachelor. My mother had always doubted whether she could find me a bride within our caste. So, when I graduated in Science, my mother gave me the freedom to pursue a relationship that my parents would approve of if I wanted to marry. However, they remained vigilant to ensure I didn't take undue advantage of this freedom.

Days passed away and I grew up to become an eligible bachelor. My mother had brought me up with a feeling of doubt about getting me a bride from within our caste. As such, the day I became a Science graduate, with the consent of my mother, I was at liberty to involve in a relationship which my parents would accept if I wish to turn it into a nuptial bond. At the same time, both of them were vigilant enough to see I don’t take any undue advantage of the liberty I had.

A couple of years went by, but I didn't commit to any relationship, even though I had a few friends interested in me. My parents felt increasing pressure to find a match for me, fearing I might enter an unwarranted relationship. Then, out of the blue, I received an appointment letter for a government job, and my parents began to express urgency in getting me married.

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Couple of years went by, but I didn’t commit myself into any relationship although I had couple of friends interested in me. Of late, it started building up pressure on my parents to find a match for me because they feared their son getting into a kind of unwarranted relationship. Then, one day, out of the blue, I got an appointment letter for a government job and my parents started expressing a bit of urgency in getting me married. 

At that time, I wanted to avoid getting caught in a relationship born out of compromise, since 'desperate times call for desperate measures.' As a good-looking and handsome guy, I had set some standards for my future spouse. I didn't consider these high expectations; like any young man, I wanted my wife to be beautiful. Since there was some uncertainty about whether my parents could find a match meeting my standards, I began thinking about finding a girl myself

At that time I wanted to avoid myself from getting caught into any kind of relationship that was a result of a decision taken in compromise, since ‘desperate times call for desperate measures’. Being a good looking and handsome guy, I had set some standards which my ‘would be spouse’ should satisfy and I won’t say it to be like having high expectations but, like any boy in that age I too had a desire that the girl who becomes my wife should be a beautiful one.

In those days, my friends and I often walked through the bazaar several times in the evening. Very often, at that hour, I would catch a glimpse of a girl with a beautiful face as she drove by in her 118NE Fiat car, sitting beside her father or brother. One day, I decided to speak to her and ask if she could marry me. With the help of my friend's fiancée, I managed to meet her and put everything straightforwardly. I explained that this wasn't a love affair but a practical proposal and told her to reply only if she found it convincing. I even assured her that we wouldn't meet again unless she wished to.

In those days, we in a group of three to four boys, taking walk through the bazaar several times in the evening hour was a usual course. And very often, at that hour of time, I use to catch a glimpse of a girl having a beautiful face while she used to drive by in her 118NE Fiat car sitting beside her father or brother on the front left seat. And, one day, I don’t know why I made my mind to speak to her and ask if she could marry me. With the help of my friend’s fiancée I managed to meet her and I put everything in a very straight forward way. I clearly explained her that this is not because I am in a love kind of thing with you. I wanted her to take it in a very practical way and I let her take her own time to decide. And, I also told her to reply me only if she finds the proposal convincing. No one would believe that I assured her telling that, “We would never meet again unless you wish to do so”.

The following day, something unexpected happened. She became so nervous that she told everything to her parents. Her brother came out intending to set me right. To diffuse the situation, I apologized and convinced him that I had no bad intentions. I explained that she had misunderstood my proposal and accepted my fault. The next day, my parents and I met her parents to clear up the misunderstanding.

The following day it happened what I had never thought about. I believe I could not get the message across well that she became so nervous and told everything to her parents. His brother came out with an intention to set me right. Soon, to get hold of the situation I apologized him and convinced him that I didn't have any bad intention of teasing his sister. Only thing what went wrong was that she had taken everything in a wrong way. Then,  I accepted my fault and realized that it should not have been done. The next day, I along with my parents met her parents to clear away the misunderstanding that was the outcome of my nonsense.

After this incident, my mother took it upon herself to find a suitable daughter-in-law. Following my failed attempt, I had little hope of finding a partner of choice. I mentally prepared myself to accept the girl my parents found suitable. A few days later, my mother planned to visit Mandvi to check out a girl my aunt had highly recommended. That evening, my mother called me, insisting I come to Mandvi to see the girl she found suitable for me. The next day, I reached Mandvi. My mother briefed me about the girl and arranged a meeting with her in the evening.

After that it was my parents turn to come into action. My mother took on the baton to find her a suitable daughter-in-law. After the failure of what I attempted for, I left with a little hope of getting partner of choice. Subsequent to the unfavorable episode that took place, I had mentally prepared myself that I would have to accept the girl my parents find suitable. It was just after a few days my mother planned to visit Mandvi to checkout  a girl my aunt had highly recommended for me. The very same day, late in the evening my mother called me over the phone at a neighbor's place and insisted me to come down to Mandvi, to see the girl as she finds her suitable for me. The next day I reached Mandvi. My mother briefed me about the girl and told that she has arranged a meeting with her in the evening.

In the evening, at their residence, after a formal introduction with the girl's family, we were served water, tea, and snacks. Sitting there, I felt uncomfortable, thinking about what excuse I could give if I didn't like the girl, as I didn't want to hurt her unnecessarily. Normally, horoscope matching serves as a tool in such situations, but in my case, both families had already matched our horoscopes, and they were considered exceptionally excellent.

In the evening, at their residence, after a formal introduction with the girl's family members we were served with water, tea and snacks in a usual trend when we visit home of any Gujarati. Sitting there it gave me a sense of discomfort thinking that in case I didn't like the girl what excuse I would have on hand to justify the rejection since I didn't want to hurt the girl unnecessarily. Normally, horoscope matching serves as a kind of tool in such situations but in my case both the families had already got it matched and our horoscopes were matched to a degree considered exceptionally excellent.

Finally, we were taken to a separate room to talk in private. It took me a while to start talking to her. Since I didn't know what to talk about, I asked her about her studies, hobbies, and interests, to which she replied briefly. Soon, we ran out of topics, and both of us simultaneously gestured to conclude the session. Until that point, I didn't find anything appealing enough to make a commitment. But as we were leaving the room, she blocked my way, asking what I would tell my mother. In that moment, I had to respond, "Yes, I do."

Finally, it was a time when we were taken to a separate room where we were allowed to talk for a while in a complete privacy. It took me a while to start talking to her. Since I didn't know what to talk about I started asking her questions about her studies, hobbies and interests to which she replied answers in brief. Soon we found ourselves short of topics to continue and both of us simultaneously exchanged a gesture to conclude the session. Till that point of time I didn't find anything appealing enough that I could make any commitment. But, while leaving the room she obstructed me standing in the middle of the door asking what would I say to my mother, and that instance, left me caught in a moment that I had to respond - 'yes I do'.

With the grace of God, we have been a happily married couple for sixteen years now with no regrets.

With the grace of God we are happily married couple since sixteen years now with no regrets.